August 9, 2014

Explaining myself: the break-up

To my friends: if you haven’t heard by now, let me tell you that I am newly single again.

Breaking up was one of the most difficult decisions I’ve had to make, and honestly, I still have my doubts about it. I know some people will sneer and say, “Hey, you’re the one who broke up with him. Deal with it.” Those people can kindly shove a stick up their ass. Relationships are not as simple as “If you love him, you should be together!” That naïve shit doesn’t fly with me anymore. There are so many other factors in dating, other than love.
If it’s only love we’re talking about, then I’m sure we wouldn’t be in this position. Trust me: between the both of us, we have enough love to power the entire city of Manila (if that analogy doesn’t make sense to you, then I’m sorry you never felt that way). However, there are certain things that can’t be overlooked even when wearing rose-colored glasses, and I realized that we need to be apart, at least for now.

I do not want to be in a relationship for the sake of having a relationship. It’s unfair to keep the “boyfriend” or “serious relationship” labels without giving him all my heart and soul. At this moment, I can’t do that. We have individual issues we need to work on by ourselves.

Let it not be said that I don’t love him. Since the break-up, I haven’t slept well, unless you count the times I cry myself to sleep. I don’t know what to do or where to go after work, because I was always with him. I don’t know how to cope without talking to him about my day, asking him about his. More than anything, I want to go back to our college days, when everything was better.

I know I made the right decision in leaving, and I stand by it. Doing the right thing isn’t always easy. Hell, it doesn’t even always make you happy. But I know that right now, we need to be apart, and no amount of love will change that.


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